Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
