escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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