We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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