I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize