Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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