I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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