So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize