Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
