I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
