Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
