can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
