dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
