I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
