Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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