are you so shy because you have an std?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
