I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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