you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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