Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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