so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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