there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
