nut hugger
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
