I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
