i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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