I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
