I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
