It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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