Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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