he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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