Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
