I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
