You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I love you. Go after that dick
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
