Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
