Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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