Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
