Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
