Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
