I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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