Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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