The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Randomize
