When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
