I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
