i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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