Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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