i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
