she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
