Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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