She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
