Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Randomize
