you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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