i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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