1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
