I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
