Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize