Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
