when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
