she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
