Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Randomize