He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
