I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
