dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
