i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
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