I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
