Someone shit on the floor
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
