I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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