how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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