well I can't set my house on fire every night
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
