Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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