I'm gonna have a badass scar
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I fill condoms, not promises.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
