ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
