The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
