3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
