my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
