I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
