The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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