no, he came in my armpit
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Found the puke drawer
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
