I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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