I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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