ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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