Tell her she can't have a vagina
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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