I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
