a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
