Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
