Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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