I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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