he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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