I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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