i need an iv and a liver transplant
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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