god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
