I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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