You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
