dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Duck Duck Cougar?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
