A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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