Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
