Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize