The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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