I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Couch. On fire.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
