I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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