I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize