K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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