Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
