Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
