in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
