he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
