everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
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