You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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